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Mother’s Day 2023: Considering what’s happening, this is a general shout-out to all women who make a difference in our lives
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Published: Apr 30, 2023
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Holiday
Mary Cassatt often painted mothers and children, and when I went looking for an image to use for Mother’s Day, I found many that would make good illustrations. (See “Mother and Child,” above.) Then I considered her dates (born 1844, died 1926), and her European life, often with her mother as a chaperone when she was young, and all the advantages she had as an artist, despite her gender, because she was white. So consider Mary Cassatt of historical interest. Right for 2023? No.
I had a lightbulb moment when I recalled one of the smartest books I’ve read in the last two decades, The Chrysalis Effect: The Metamorphosis of Global Culture. In that book, sociologist Philip Slater describes the epic battle of our age as between feminized, collaborative culture and patriarchal, “control” culture. He writes: “Control Culture is a warrior culture… The demotion of women is the foundation of the entire system…”
“The demotion of women” — isn’t that the agenda of a significant chunk of conservative males? It starts with the war on women’s reproductive freedom and races into the classroom — 74% of American teachers are female —and the library, and and and…
A lightbulb moment: women hold our society together. That means mothers, and the women who care for our children while mothers work at “real” jobs, and young women finding themselves, and students who define themselves as feminists.
A “Mother’s Day Special?” Too narrow. 2023 calls for a shout-out to all open-minded, big-hearted women. I start by caring for women I don’t know. In this country: mothers who struggle to provide for their children’s most basic needs. My domestic charity is No Kid Hungry. In other countries: World Central Kitchen, which does great work in Ukraine.
About this list: Most of these gifts are small and inexpensive. I think of them as condensed forms of love.
HEALTH: THE #1 PRIORITY
Vitamin C
Most of the Vitamin C in pills or capsules — that is, Vitamin C in the form you probably take — never reaches the bloodstream. Estimates of its absorption rate are less than 50%. Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C has a 90% absorption rate. And that’s just the start of the good things liposomes do.
Pulse Oximeter
One pandemic is definitely over. Is another on the way? Possibly. Putting it bluntly, if your mother doesn’t have one and you don’t give her one.. how much do you really care? Reader review: “C— is coming home from the hospital. If he hadn’t checked himself every day with the oximeter…”
Forehead Thermometer
The forehead thermometer completes your survival kit.
SELF-CARE
Clarins Beauty Flash Balm
“It’s like eight hours of sleep in a tube.”
Hot Springs Clear Bath Salts
15 individual foil-sealed powders featuring 5 different clear Japanese hot spring spa experiences. Not perfumed. No bubbles. Simply: Japanese refreshment for the body and soul.
Egyptian Magic
If there’s a skin problem this stuff can’t deal with, I can’t name it. Burns, scrapes, skin irritations, diaper rash, sunburns, eczema, psoriasis — it’s the go-to cream.
BOOKS
Tina Brown: The Palace Papers: Inside the House of Windsor — the Truth and the Turmoil: This is a brilliant anthropological saga — the story of a tribe (the royal family) with a single goal (survival) and a willingness to eat any creature that threatens it (including its young). With hundreds of dishy stories you’ve seen nowhere else.
Trust: The best novel I’ve read in a year. It may not seem that way for most of the book, but the woman is key….
Lessons in Chemistry: A novel: The favorite of every book club. The #1 best seller. I’d bet 90% of the readers are female. If you know a woman who hasn’t read it…..
Gilded Mountain: In Colorado’s rough mining culture, Sylvie Pelletier is a heroine and a half.
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
This 128 page book is 100 pen-and-ink drawings that occasionally look like blotches and a text of short conversations. “The boy is full of questions, the mole is greedy for cake, the fox is mainly silent and wary because he’s been hurt by life. The book is a reminder of who we are at our best. A message to share and pass on to our children.
Colette: Break of Day
In this love letter to her mother, Colette asks a remarkable question: Who obsesses a woman most — her mother or her man?
What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most
Elizabeth Benedict collected essays from women not inclined to platitudes. A strong, smart, complex anthology.
Thich Nhat Hanh: Teachings on Love
A celibate monk. What can he know of love? This: Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love…. In true love, there’s no more separation or discrimination. His happiness is your happiness. Your suffering is his suffering. You can no longer say, “That’s your problem.”
Viva la Repartee: Clever Comebacks and Witty Retorts
It’s exhausting to be witty on cue. On the other hand, it sharpens the mind to read several hundred pages of great repartee — which Mark Twain defined as “something we think of twenty four hours too late.”
Woman Walk the Line: How the Women in Country Music Changed Our Lives
The female contributors to this collection are passionately committed to the female country stars they profile — these 27 singers and songwriters are crucial to them, both culturally and personally.
PRACTICAL BUT STYLISH
Timex Easy Reader Watch
Esquire Magazine: “The simple retro face looks cooler than some watches that cost six times as much.” Spend what you save on something excessive.
Palomino Pencils
Blackwing pencils look gorgeous. But it’s what’s beneath the Blackwing’s sleek exterior that makes hearts beat fast in the creative community — a graphite core, fortified with a little wax. Those Who Know say, “the best pencil ever made.”
INDULGENCES
Diptyque candles
Janis Joplin said, “What you settle for is who you are.” Her implicit point: Don’t settle. The Diptyque candle, though not cheap, lasts much longer than most other candles — between 50-60 hours. Once it fills a room with scent, you can blow it out and the room will continue to be gently perfumed for hours.
Lesser luxury: Thymes Frasier Fir Candle
The Thymes Frasier Fir candle in a dark green glass won’t quite convince you that there’s a fir tree in the corner, but it proposes the idea.
Himalayan Glow Salt Lamp
This Himalayan salt lamp gives off a pretty pink glow. Woo-woo mothers will appreciate its alleged mood-boosting benefits. Bonus points for the dimmer, which is definitely mood lighting in the boudoir.
Manuka Honey
Manuka honey comes from New Zealand, where it’s made by bees that feed on the nectar of the manuka tree. Their honey is dark and thick. Its aroma has been described as “damp earth, heather, aromatic.” But the benefits!
Lao Gan Ma Chili Crisp Sauce
Sam Sifton, in the Times: “It’s magical: a boon to noodle soups and kitchen-sink stir-fries, to eggs and cucumbers, to plain steamed fish.”
Smart Snark: Anne Taintor coffee mugs & more
Samples: “Parenting… When Messing Up Your Own Life Just Isn’t Enough” and “She Was Comforted By The Knowledge That They Were Helpless Without Her.”
Nespresso Milk Frother
A friend served coffee topped with frothed milk thick as shaving cream. I am a coffee snob. I bought this frother immediately. It is the simplest device I’ve ever used.
PRACTICAL
Zojirushi Vacuum Drink Mug
What is astonishing about the Zojirushi is how long hot stays hot and how long cold stays cold. Fill it with 16 ounces of steaming coffee in the morning, and six hours later, you can still burn your lips. Put ice cubes in a cold drink, and, six hours later, there’s still ice. Stylish? It’s sleek. At 9.5 inches, it’s just the right size for a tote.
MUSIC
Big Mama Thornton She lived in Houston, performing in clubs, learning to play drums and harmonica, drinking gin and milk, and being open about her sexuality decades before it was cool to be a lesbian. “My singing comes from my experience…my own experience,” she said. “I can’t read music, but I know what I’m singing!”
Ann Peebles
Imagine if Al Green were female, and you have Ann Peebles. Just about every song on “I Can’t Stand the Rain” is a classic — for other singers.
