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The title is not a brag. It really is “The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need”

Andrew Tobias

By Jesse Kornbluth
Published: Nov 28, 2023
Category: Money

Andy Tobias and I were in the same class in college. We were both heavily involved in campus organizations, so we returned to campus a week before the start of the fall term. I was Managing Editor of the literary magazine, which was very distinguished, which is to say, the very small and unimportant New York literary establishment thought we were hot shit. Andy was President and CEO of student agencies, which I took to mean he was in charge of renting refrigerators. This confused me. He seemed super-smart. Where could this lead?

Well, it led to “Managing Your Money,” the first way to organize your finance on disks. To a brilliant career as the rare financial journalist with a sense of humor (“How Tall Is Robert Redford, Really?”). And, in 1978, to a book: “The Only Investment Guide You’ll Ever Need.”

What a brazen title! But the book delivered. The New York Times: “So full of tips and angles that only a booby or a billionaire could not benefit.” Over the decades, there have been 8 editions. There’s a new one. It covers cryptocurrency and NFTs, Robinhood, GameStop, the after-effects of COVID, and how climate change impacts investing. I care about none of those. The basics are what has created millions of sales over the years. They are delivered with wit, as you can tell from the dedication: “To my broker… even if he has, from time to time, made me just that.” They are also eternally true — picture Warren Buffett with a puckish sense of humor. [To buy the paperback or the Kindle edition from Amazon, click here.]

Edition after edition, the basics never change. Like these:

“The simplest, safest, most sensible way to earn 18% or 20% on your money is to pay off your credit cards. If you have a $3,000 balance at 19.8% and you repay the required monthly minimum, it will take 39 years to pay off the loan. And you’ll pay $10,000 in interest. But you have savings! What interest does it pay? Take that money and pay down your credit card debt.”

“Buy a used car. That ‘new-car smell’ is the most expensive fragrance in the world.”

“If your employer offers a deal like a matching contribution and you’re not taking full advantage of it, you are an idiot.”

“Most people should do their stock-market investing through no-load index funds… If you do, you will outperform at least 90% of all your friends and neighbors — including many who work much harder at this than you… Just by investing all the money you have earmarked for the stock market in the Vanguard Index Trust, you will generally do better than most bank trust departments, mutual fund managers, and private investors — with far less effort!”

“A lifetime of periodic investments — adding to your investment fund $100 a month or $750 a month or whatever you can comfortably afford — is the ticket to financial security.”

“By and large, for your long-term money, ‘buy and hold’ is the way to go.”

“Just because it’s easy to buy and sell stocks on a moment’s notice, or get an up-to-the-minute quote, doesn’t mean you should.”

“A margin call is what alerts you to the fact that your life is going to hell and that you never should have gotten into the market when you did, let alone on margin.”

“Don’t waste money subscribing to investment letters or expensive services.”

“If you get a hot tip, make a note of it and pretend to be very interested. But don’t buy.”

“Internet investing positively teases you to play. It makes you feel powerful — moving thousand of dollars in and out, click, click, click. Talk about computer games! Four things will surely get you: the commissions, the spreads, the taxes, and human nature (addictive gambling).”

“What would you rather have: a mortgage-free, four-bedroom, three-bath house with a modern kitchen, central air, and a pool —- or 10 bitcoin?”

“You want to know my idea of real market brilliance? A friend sold all his stocks the day before a market downdraft.
I asked him: ‘Peter, how did you know?’
He said, ‘I needed the cash to buy my apartment.'”

Over the course of 280 pages, you get the idea: For all Tobias’ success, his greatest gift is… perspective. “This is the only investment guide you’ll ever need,” he writes, “not because it will make you rich beyond any further need for money, but because most investment guides you don’t need.”

Need a gift for a financially challenged friend or relative? This is it. And don’t be ashamed to buy a copy for yourself.