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Mother’s Day, 2021: the first of the rest of our lives
By
Published: May 02, 2021
Category:
Holiday
“One of the defining images, at least from my perspective, in this crisis has been cars lined up. Cars lined up for miles — nice cars, lined up for miles, waiting for a box of food to be put in their trunk. I don’t know about you but I didn’t ever think I’d see that in America. And all of this is through no fault of their own…”
– President Biden’s first address to a joint session of Congress, April 28, 2021
There were two big events in my life last year. My mother died, at 103. And COVID changed everything. Those events make Mother’s Day a snap for me. No presents, of course. But gifts? Yes, and all in one direction. My mother was a charter member of the “food is love” school of life. In her memory, I’m donating to food banks. I know I often suggest this to you, and I know that almost every Butler reader not only doesn’t have this problem but doesn’t see it close-up. Still, one more time: There were an estimated 50 million food-insecure Americans by the end of 2020, up sharply from 35 million in 2019. 18 million are children. If you find that intolerable, a food back near you is a click away.
This is not to dismiss actual gifts. In a year when usefulness is as important as beauty, here’s a balanced list.
ESSENTIALS
Zojirushi Vacuum Drink Mug
What is astonishing about the Zojirushi is how long hot stays hot and how long cold stays cold. Fill it with 16 ounces of steaming coffee in the morning, and six hours later, you can still burn your lips. Put ice cubes in a cold drink, and, six hours later, there’s still ice. Stylish? It’s sleek. At 9.5 inches, it’s just the right size for a tote.
Allbirds
Walking is the most important thing I do each day, not just for my health but for my spiritual uplift and creativity. And so it can be for mothers of any age. Back in the late 1940s and early 1950s, a British epidemiologist found that British bus conductors, who spent their days in the aisles and steps on double-decker buses, were half as likely to have a heart attack as the buses’ drivers, who sat all day. Need I say more?
Anthelios Sunscreen with Mexoryl
What’s so great about Anthelios with Mexoryl? Dr. Vincent DeLeo, Chairman, Department of Dermatology, Founding Director, Skin of Color Center, St. Luke’s-Roosevelt and Beth Israel: “It produces a product which gives us almost perfect protection against sunshine.”
Vitamin C
Most of the Vitamin C in pills or capsules — that is, Vitamin C in the form you probably take — never reaches the bloodstream. Estimates of its absorption rate are less than 50%. Lypo-Spheric Vitamin C has a 90% absorption rate. And that’s just the start of the good things liposomes do.
Clarins Beauty Flash Balm
“It’s like eight hours of sleep in a tube.”
Cell phone stand
This why-didn’t-they-invent-this years-ago cell phone stand is weighted so it doesn’t slide around. Every other part is adjustable: the height, the angle, the direction. There’s a slot in back so you can charge your phone. Compatible with all cell phones. Excellent for keeping an eye on messages while you’re working, playing music in the background, even goofing off and watching videos. Just $15.
The best laptop stand
Comes fully assembled. Folds flat so you can take it with you on business trips or… dare I say it? … weekends. Adjustable height. Has hinges that can stand up to 6,000 rotations. Allows you to put your screen at a 90-degree angle. Provides rock-solid support – it won’t ever fall over. Has flushed clips to hold the laptop secure — and they won’t rub against your wrist. Has 2 large vents on the tray so the laptop doesn’t overheat. 12-month warranty.
Eco Friendly Upcycled Make up Bag/Travel Kit/Cosmetic Bag
These bags are handmade in Cambodia from recycled cement and feed bags. In elephant, tiger, mermaid and fish design. Zippered top. 5” high, 10” long, 7” wide. If they’re sold out, these are almost the same thing.
COMMUNICATION
Quattro Parole Italian Notecards and Envelopes
Louise Fili’s box of a dozen note cards, with envelopes that are just as distinctive. “Quattro Parole Italiane” is the idea. Four Italian words: ciao (hello), auguri (greetings), grazie (thank you) and prego (with pleasure). Why are these cards so striking? It’s not the words, which are refreshingly ordinary, but the typography, which is dramatic and different and, at the same time, nostalgic and familiar, taking you back to visits to small towns in Italy.
Palomino Pencils
Blackwing pencils look gorgeous. But it’s what’s beneath the Blackwing’s sleek exterior that makes hearts beat fast in the creative community — a graphite core, fortified with a little wax. Seriously. Those Who Know swear by this pencil. It is, they say, “the best pencil ever made.” Among the fans: Sondheim, Steinbeck.
Perfetto Pencils
Louise Fili: “The two-color, double-sided pencils, commonly in red and blue, are ideal for teachers to correct homework. (“Errore lieve, segno rosso; errore grave, segno blu”: red for a minor infringement, blue for a serious offense.) When Princeton Architectural Press invited us to come up with a line of gift products, the two-tone pencils seemed perfect — thus the name. Steering clear of blue, our least favorite color, we opted for our signature red and black. No eraser, by the way. Who makes errori?”
ENTERTAINMENT
Borgen
A female President? It happens in “Borgen.” And although Birgitte Nyborg — in the series, Denmark’s first female prime minister — is torn between keeping the support of her modest majority and being a good wife and mother, she really does do it all. She even moves the country forward. Until she’s brought down. And has to come back. “The West Wing” in Denmark? Maybe better. There will be a new season on HBO next year. Better not to have to scramble to catch up.
LUXURY
The Filson Briefcase
We have entered a zone that prizes authenticity, and in a sea of products that look good but quickly fall apart, the Filson briefcase is so well designed and so well made it could be the last briefcase you’ll ever buy.
Diptyque candles
Janis Joplin said, “What you settle for is who you are.” Her implicit point: Don’t settle. The Diptyque candle, though not cheap, lasts much longer than most other candles — between 50-60 hours. Once it fills a room with scent, you can blow it out and the room will continue to be gently perfumed for hours. And when it’s burned out, you’ve got a vase for short-stemmed flowers.
Lesser luxury: Thymes Frasier Fir Candle
The Thymes Frasier Fir candle in a dark green glass won’t quite convince you that there’s a fir tree in the corner, but it proposes the idea. The smell is of “crisp Siberian Fir needles, heartening cedar wood and relaxing sandalwood.” In simple English, this candle defines fresh.
Nespresso Milk Frother
A friend served coffee topped with frothed milk thick as shaving cream. I am a coffee snob. I bought this immediately. It is the simplest device I’ve ever used. Use fresh cold whole milk, nothing else. Press one to froth for hot beverages. Press twice for cold drinks. Walk away. Pour half a cup of coffee. In a minute, the frother light will go out. Off you go.
BOOKS
Eva and Eve: A Search for My Mother’s Lost Childhood and What a War Left Behind
Julie Metz’s parents were the art directors of Simon & Schuster. For three decades. That’s not just a long run, it’s a record. Eve Metz died in 2006. She left behind a keepsake book hidden in the back of a drawer. In that album, her mother was called Eva. When she became an American citizen, she was Eve. In 2012, Julie Metz visited Vienna. Thanks to good luck, the hand of God, and random acts of kindness, she got a great story… and book.
Ruth Bader Ginsburg: The Last Interview, and Other Conversations
Seven interviews, spanning her career. Some about the law, some personal. 208 pages. Fans of RBG will happily mark the pages.
The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
This is a 128 page book that’s nothing more than 100 pen-and-ink drawings that occasionally look like blotches and a text of short conversations. “The boy is full of questions, the mole is greedy for cake, the fox is mainly silent and wary because he’s been hurt by life. The horse is the biggest thing they’ve ever encountered, and also the gentlest.” this book is a talisman. A shield against a wedge of humanity that seems to know no other feelings but resentment, anger and hate. A reminder of who we are at our best. A message we want to pass on to our children.
The Girl in the Red Boots: Making Peace with My Mother
Mothers and daughters: an old story. Can’t shake loose, can’t get closer. Her mother did a terrible thing to Judy Rabinor. (Watch the video.) How she forgave her mother led her to write this book.
Colette: Break of Day
In this love letter to her mother, Colette asks a remarkable question: Who obsesses a woman most — her mother or her man?
What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most
Elizabeth Benedict collected essays from women not inclined to platitudes. A strong, smart, complex anthology.
Thich Nhat Hanh: Teachings on Love
A celibate monk. What can he know of love? This:
– Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.
– Often, we get crushes on others not because we truly love and understand them, but to distract ourselves from our suffering. When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have true compassion for ourselves, then we can truly love and understand another person.
– In true love, there’s no more separation or discrimination. His happiness is your happiness. Your suffering is his suffering. You can no longer say, “That’s your problem.”
– To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. To know how to love someone, we have to understand them. To understand, we need to listen.
Viva la Repartee: Clever Comebacks and Witty Retorts
It’s exhausting to be witty on cue. On the other hand, it sharpens the mind to read several hundred pages of great repartee — which Mark Twain defined as “something we think of twenty four hours too late.”
