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My Bad
Paul Slansky and Arleen Sorkin
By
Published: Jan 01, 2006
Category:
Non Fiction
My Bad
Paul Slansky and Arleen Sorkin
People make mistakes. When they realize it, they feel bad. They acknowledge their error. And then, having cleansed themselves of shame, they move on.
Well, that’s how it works at our level.
But when you’re famous — when you’re a politician, broadcaster, sports star or celebrity — it doesn’t quite work that way.
There’s a ritual.
As Paul Slansky and Arleen Sorkin have it, ours is an apology culture. For the past quarter century, the famous have found a way to apologize without paying much of a price. As the authors put it, "It’s like going bankrupt and getting to keep your credit cards."
When did this start? With Nixon, they say. The "Checkers" speech. You remember: Someone gave his kids a dog. And in 1952, to pressure Eisenhower to keep him on the ticket as his Vice Presidential running mate, Nixon went on TV. "The half-hour speech contained not a single syllable of regret," Slansky and Sorkin note. Instead, Nixon wallowed in self-pity. Which worked. Shame? Why, that was counterproductive.
Thus, this book. It’s a chronicle of 25 years of offenses and apologies.
There are a few amusing apologies. These best comes from Bill O’Reilly, after no weapons of mass destruction were found: "My analysis was wrong….What do you want me to do? Go over and kiss the camera?"
But I have to admit that I soon stopped reading the apologies — they were boilerplate, blatantly and insultingly insincere. It’s the gaffes and outrages that rivet you, that bring back fond memories of scandals past and idiots, then and now.
Like Mike Wallace, unaware cameras were rolling, commenting on hard-to-read bank forms, "You bet your ass they’re hard to read if you’re reading them over the watermelon or over the tacos."
Like the chairman of General Motors calling a Japanese vehicle "a little faggot truck."
Like Ted Turner — a repeat offender — dismissing Christianity as "a religion for losers."
Like Don Imus, saying "Who cares?" about the Iranian plane crash that claimed 43 lives.
Like Rev. Billy Graham telling Nixon that Jews are "the ones putting out the pornographic stuff."
Like Houston mayoral candidate Louie Welch saying that one way to stop the spread of AIDS is to "shoot all the queers." (The next day, he received $69,000 in campaign contributions.)
Like Ronald Reagan, campaigning in New Hampshire: "How do you tell the Polish guy at a cockfight? He’s the one with the duck. How do you tell the Italian? He’s the one who bets on the duck. How do you tell when the Mafia’s there? The duck wins."
Like Trent Lott — but he is so far gone he has to apologize six times, making him, the authors say, "the 21st century’s reigning king of contrition, the ayatollah of atonement, the rajah of regret."
A real apology? Slansky and Sorkin find just one. It’s on the last page of the book. You’ll be surprised.
This very funny book is best read in short bursts — it’s a great idea, but depressing if read all at once. For most of the bloopers and slanders fall in a narrow range; the offenders mostly don’t like women, gays and blacks. Clearly, the folks who run their mouths feel threatened. Or maybe they’re just bigots. But explanation is beside the point — some really ugly stuff is quoted here.
Slansky, so you know, is one of our most illustrious obsessives. He is the author of the sadly-out-of print picture-and-text book about Ronald Reagan, The Clothes Have No Emperor: A Chronicle of the American ’80s. He’s recently published a George Bush Quiz Book. And he and Sorkin have thoughtfully created a web site for a whole new generation of apologists.
"Bigotry, vulgarity, criminality, and just plain idiocy." The authors promise a lot. But they deliver. They, at least, have nothing to apologize for.
To order ‘My Bad" from Amazon.com, click here.
To order ‘The George W. Bush Quiz Book’ from Amazon.com, click here.
To order ‘The Clothes Have No Emperor" from Amazon.com, click here.
For the ‘My Bad’ web site, with up-to-date apologies, click here.
