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Weekend Butler: The Positivity Issue: Katharine Hepburn, Pema Chodron, Brian Fallon, Kim McCarty, Robert Redford, Steve Prefontaine, 2 poems, beef stew
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Published: Nov 09, 2023
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Weekend
I worked on two long projects for months, so I’ve had a good excuse for reading my own writing and not much else. But the news has been unfailingly painful, and I have maintained two don’t-miss routines. Just before bedtime, my daughter and I text a positive wish for the next day, and we breathe together, and I send her a virtual kiss goodnight. Then I read a few pages of Pema Chodron (photo, above). Not from her significant, full-length books, though I am a fan of “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times” and I urge you to read my review, just to know who she is. But here I’m suggesting two of her books that are smaller than an iPhone: “Awakening Loving Kindness” — for my review, click here — and The Pocket Pema Chodron.
The attraction of these short books is that she doesn’t write as an enlightened being but as a fallible, limited, struggling human. When she writes that “healing can be found in the tenderness of pain,” you have the feeling she’s writing from personal experience, not from a cushion in a meditation room. As for the desire to change, she sees that as “a form of aggression against yourself.” The way to win, she says, is “to soften and feel compassion for your predicament and for the whole human condition.”
I’ve read a lot of Buddhism over the years — my just-finished novel, as some of you know, is about the death of the Dalai Lama and his reincarnation in a small boy — but I’ve never read about “softening” and “feeling compassion for your predicament.” Or the ideas in this passage, from “Awakening Loving-Kindness,” which is often what I read last:
“Being satisfied with what we already have is a magical golden key to being alive in a full, unrestricted, and inspired way. One of the major obstacles to what is traditionally called enlightenment is resentment, feeling cheated, holding a grudge about who you are, where you are, what you are. This is why we talk so much about making friends with ourselves, because, for some reason or other, we don’t feel that kind of satisfaction in a full and complete way….. Our wisdom is all mixed up with what we call our neurosis. Our brilliance, our juiciness, our spiciness, is all mixed up with our craziness and our confusion, and therefore it doesn’t do any good to try to get rid of our so-called negative aspects, because in that process we also get rid of our basic wonderfulness. We can lead our life so as to become more awake to who we are and what we’re doing rather than trying to improve or change or get rid of who we are or what we’re doing. The key is to wake up, to become more alert, more inquisitive and curious about ourselves.”
I know Pema Chodron would like me to meditate. I’ve tried. I suck at it. She’s okay with that. I know this because she’s clear she doesn’t want me to give up the ways I’m a jerk. So my final thoughts of the day are that I did the best I could and didn’t deliberately wound anyone and did tell at least a few of the people I love how much I love them, and then I surrender to whatever the night brings and hope for another chance in the morning. It doesn’t look or sound like prayer, but it’s a comfort, and in that spirit, I commend a page or three of these short books to you.
WHY ROBERT REDFORD DIDN’T GET THE STARRING ROLE IN “THE GRADUATE”
Robert Redford screen-tested with Candice Bergen for the part of Benjamin Braddock in “The Graduate,” but was finally rejected by director Mike Nichols, who didn’t believe Redford could project the underdog qualities necessary to the role. Redford asked Nichols what he meant. “Well, let’s put it this way,” said Nichols, “Have you ever struck out with a girl?” “What do you mean?” asked Redford. “That’s precisely my point,” said Nichols. Redford told Nichols that he perfectly understood the character of Benjamin, who was a social misfit. He went on and on about his ability to play the part. Nichols finally said, “Bob, look in the mirror. Can you honestly imagine a guy like you having difficulty seducing a woman?”
A KATHARINE HEPBURN STORY, FROM HER CHILDHOOD
“Once when I was a teenager, my father and I were standing in line to buy tickets for the circus.
Finally, there was only one other family between us and the ticket counter. This family made a big impression on me. There were eight children, all probably under the age of 12. The way they were dressed, you could tell they didn’t have a lot of money, but their clothes were neat and clean.
The children were well-behaved, all of them standing in line, two-by-two behind their parents, holding hands. They were excitedly jabbering about the clowns, animals, and all the acts they would be seeing that night. By their excitement you could sense they had never been to the circus before. It would be a highlight of their lives.
The father and mother were at the head of the pack standing proud as could be. The mother was holding her husband’s hand, looking up at him as if to say, “You’re my knight in shining armor.” He was smiling and enjoying seeing his family happy.
The ticket lady asked the man how many tickets he wanted? He proudly responded, “I’d like to buy eight children’s tickets and two adult tickets, so I can take my family to the circus.” The ticket lady stated the price.
The man’s wife let go of his hand, her head dropped, the man’s lip began to quiver. Then he leaned a little closer and asked, “How much did you say?” The ticket lady again stated the price.
The man didn’t have enough money. How was he supposed to turn and tell his eight kids that he didn’t have enough money to take them to the circus?
Seeing what was going on, my dad reached into his pocket, pulled out a $20 bill, and then dropped it on the ground. (We were not wealthy in any sense of the word!) My father bent down, picked up the $20 bill, tapped the man on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, sir, this fell out of your pocket.”
The man understood what was going on. He wasn’t begging for a handout but certainly appreciated the help in a desperate, heartbreaking and embarrassing situation.
He looked straight into my dad’s eyes, took my dad’s hand in both of his, squeezed tightly onto the $20 bill, and with his lip quivering and a tear streaming down his cheek, he replied; “Thank you, thank you, sir. This really means a lot to me and my family.”
My father and I went back to our car and drove home. The $20 that my dad gave away is what we were going to buy our own tickets with.
Although we didn’t get to see the circus that night, we both felt a joy inside us that was far greater than seeing the circus could ever provide.
That day I learnt the value to Give.
The Giver is bigger than the Receiver. If you want to be large, larger than life, learn to Give. Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get — only with what you are expecting to give… which is everything.
The importance of giving, blessing others can never be over emphasized because there’s always joy in giving. Learn to make someone happy by acts of giving.”
YOU MAY NEVER GO TO MICHAEL’S RESTAURANT, BUT….
Kim McCarty, wife of the owner of the restaurant, is an excellent artist now having her fourth solo show with the Morgan Lehman Gallery. (November 16 – January 6, 526 West 26th Street, 4th Floor.) Kim owns my heart because, in the wayback, I told her my daughter liked to draw — so Kim spent a few hours one afternoon painting with her. My daughter was, at the time, four years old. Such generosity! Such a gift! A lasting gift — just the other day, H. bought these.
WEEEKEND MUSIC
Brian Fallon. There will be a quiz. You can get an “A.” Just click and listen to one song.
WEEKEND POEM
“Good Bones,” by Maggie Smith
Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.
WEEKEND POEM #2
from Hafiz Shirazi
I wish I could show you,
when you are lonely or in
darkness, the astonishing light
of your own being.
WEEKEND MOVIE
Steve Prefontaine: “It’s not who’s the best—it’s who can take the most pain.” He could. And transformed pain into glory. This movie.
WEEKEND RECIPE
Old-fashioned beef stew.
For a crowd, it doubles or triples nicely.
for 4 servings
¼ cup all-purpose flour
¼ teaspoon freshly ground pepper
1 pound beef stewing meat, trimmed and cut into inch cubes
5 teaspoons vegetable oil
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
1 cup red wine
3 ½ cups beef broth, homemade or low-sodium canned
2 bay leaves
1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
5 medium carrots, peeled and cut into ¼-inch rounds
2 large baking potatoes, peeled and cut into ¾-inch cubes
2 teaspoons salt
Combine the flour and pepper in a bowl, add the beef and toss to coat well. Heat 3 teaspoons of the oil in a large pot.. Add the beef a few pieces at a time; do not overcrowd. Cook, turning the pieces until beef is browned on all sides, about 5 minutes per batch; add more oil as needed between batches.
Remove the beef from the pot and add the vinegar and wine. Cook over medium-high heat, scraping the pan with a wooden spoon to loosen any browned bits. Add the beef, beef broth and bay leaves. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a slow simmer.
Cover and cook, skimming broth from time to time, until the beef is tender, about 1½ hours. Add the onions and carrots and simmer, covered, for 10 minutes. Add the potatoes and simmer until vegetables are tender, about 30 minutes more. Add broth or water if the stew is dry. Season with salt and pepper to taste. Ladle among 4 bowls and serve.
