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Weekend Butler: The waiting really is the hardest part. The Queen’s prank. Country snark: “If you can’t do better than that, babe… I’ve got a problem with it.” From the vault: Judy Collins & Leonard Cohen. And more.

Published: Sep 14, 2022
Category: Weekend

PHOTO: The imperial state crown sits atop the Queen’s coffin on a velvet pillow.
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THE WAITING IS THE HARDEST PART
My stepson, at 11, used to imitate me: “We have a half hour before the movie — let’s hop over to the West Side and do some errands.” Right, I don’t like to waste time. But it’s worse than that: I’m impatient. If I have a goal in the future, the present be damned — I want the future right now.

Right now I’m waiting to hear about my book. I’m waiting to hear about a TV option for an article I wrote when I was a toddler. I’m waiting for a meeting about a big ticket project that’s scheduled later in the month.

Those are business, out of my hands. I can do business one day at a time, easy.

My personal business is another story. I always want to know how it’s going to turn out. I’m not quite this stupid, but it’s as if I talk fast and interrupt the slow responders, I’ll get there sooner. It’s Covid’s fault, I say. I’m making up for lost time. Wrong. I have a problem: impatience.

The other day I wrote a letter and almost sent it. Luckily I realized it won’t get me what I want now. Or in October. It’s really a November letter. I’m sure I’ll revise it while I wait for November, just for something to do.

In the meantime, I’ll work on bettering my time and distance at the track, where progress is measured in real time, and where the clock in my head ticks slower. As you who exercise regularly have, no doubt, long known.

THE QUEEN’S PRANK
The queen was walking near her Balmoral estate with Richard Griffin, her security officer, when she was approached by an American tourist.
His question: “Have you ever met the queen?”
“I haven’t,” said the queen.
She pointed at Richard Griffin. “He meets her regularly.”
The tourist grilled Griffin on what the queen was like.
“Oh, she can be very cantankerous at times, but she’s got a lovely sense of humor,” he replied.
The hiker asked for a photo with the bodyguard and handed the queen a camera.
She happily obliged.
Watch Griffin tell the story.

ABOUT THAT FANTASTIC TAYLOR HAWKINKS DRUMMING WITH FOO FIGHTERS AT THE TRIBUTE TO HIS FATHER
In case you missed the video — if you watched it, you won’t soon forget it —
— a reader shared an update:

A friend’s son has been studying and playing drums since he was 7. He recently finished his BA in music and is now a jazz drummer, playing all over town for the last four years. He ran into Taylor Hawkins on the beach at Santa Monica, professed his admiration, and said he was a jazz drummer. “Oh,” Taylor Hawkins said. “A jazz drummer. You’re a much better drummer than I am.”

JUDY COLLINS AND LEONARD COHEN
A precious video from the very early days.

THE WEEKEND POEM
Stanley Kunitz was 95 when he was named Poet Laureate for the second time. His career was more of a marathon than a sprint. W.H. Auden got it exactly: “It’s strange, but give him time. A hundred years or so. He’s a patient man. He won’t mind waiting.”

Peace! Peace!
To be rocked by the Infinite!
As if it didn’t matter
which way was home;
as if he didn’t know
he loved the earth so much
he wanted to stay forever.

CAULIFLOWER SOUP
from California Cooking and Southern Style

Makes 5 cups

2 tablespoons olive oil
6 cups cauliflower florets
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 teaspoon chopped fresh garlic
1/8 teaspoon cumin seed
1/8 teaspoon coriander seed
1/8 teaspoon anise seed
1 1-inch shard of a cinnamon stick
1 pinch red pepper flakes
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup milk
Salt and pepper

In a large stock pot over medium heat, add the olive oil and sauté the onion until soft, 10 to 15 minutes.
In the last few minutes add the garlic, cumin, coriander, anise, cinnamon, and red pepper flakes.
Add the cauliflower and stock and bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and stir in the milk. Simmer for 15 minutes.
Cool the soup to room temperature before puréeing in a blender or food processor. For a more velvety texture, strain through a fine mesh strainer.
Re-heat gently.

COUNTRY SNARK OF THE WEEK: “IF YOU CAN’T DO BETTER THAN THAT, BABE…I GOT A PROBLEM WITH IT”
The duo is Plains. The song is “Problem With It.” Here’s the video.

I got a problem with it and I don’t know how to say
It’s a pink carnation, it’s a hand hastily played
The potboiler wearing out
Give ’em something to kick up dust about
If it was love you were after
With a long shadow of doubt

If it’s all you got
Yeah, it’s all you gave
I got a problem with it
If you can’t do better than that, babe
I got a problem with it
Justified it in my own way
I lost myself in it
If it’s all you got and it’s enough you say
I got a problem with it

I drive fast on high alert
Pass the Jet Pep and the Baptist Church
On the county line I’ll be a songbird softly heard
My loose change falling out
Got a heartbreak burn, take the quickest route
On this four-lane highway I’ll trace it in the clouds